Do you ever find yourself saying: “it’s okay” or “No problem” – when it’s not okay and it is a problem? Why do people avoid saying what they really mean?

And why do you say things like:

“To be honest” (sounds like you usually lie or exaggerate)

“Tell me about it” (When you really don’t want to hear about it)

“I’m fine” (When you’re not)

“What I’m trying to say is” (Why aren’t you saying it then, instead of sounding confused or unsure?)

On the other hand, we meet people who continuously use words they think they know what they mean. However, they don’t know what they don’t know. So, in their ignorance, they continue to bumble through life, believing they know what they don’t know.

A good example would be the word ‘peruse.’ People think it means: ‘To skim over or browse something.’ Actually, it means almost the opposite. Peruse means “to read with thoroughness or care.” If you peruse a book, you leave no page unturned. Although it is considered a contronym, that’s another story.

Avoid Fuzzy Phrases

Parents are the most guilty because of this lack of clarity in their communication, and they wonder why their children don’t respond appropriately. Some examples would be: “I wish you’d get out of bed,” “I think you should get started on your homework,” “It would be nice if you cleaned your room,” “I wish you…..” etc.

Saying, “I wish…” demonstrates to the children a lack of imperative about what you want them to do. In other words, it is a half-hearted request of our child. What the parent should say is, “Get started on your homework, please.” By adding the word ‘Please,’ it softens the demand.

Good communication skills involve being understood rather than expecting listeners to decipher the meaning, which often results in misinterpretation, leading to conflicts and disagreements. If your message lacks clarity, you are unfairly misleading your listener.

It is so easy to learn how to stop saying things you don’t mean by employing effective, powerful communication strategies. At the same time, you must be honest with yourself and others so that they really understand what you are trying to communicate. Here are some strategies to help.

Strategy #1: Is there a price for not being upfront and honest about what you think?

Don’t think only in the short term, as deceit can have long-term consequences. Take the long-term view and consider how your untruthfulness can affect your relationships with others.

Strategy #2: Question yourself about some of the things you say.

Is it just a habit, or is it deliberate? This is not about guilt-tripping but simply analyzing what you say regularly and forming new habits.

Strategy #3: No matter how good your intentions, it is still an untruth.

A lie is still a lie, even when it is meant for a good purpose. Remember, the ends never justify the means. Be bold and honest in all your communications with others.

Strategy #4: Avoid situations that invite dishonesty.

Only make promises that you know that you can keep. Be watchful about the company you keep. Mix with those who are basically honest, and you will never have communication problems when it comes to being frank.

Strategy #5: Let people know your intention.

Tell people why you have adopted this new practice for better relationships. This will open discussions about it, leading to better communication and speeding up your habit.

Form the habit of saying what you mean and mean what you say.

Start today and develop the habit of improving your communication skills. Monitor your daily conversations. Listen carefully to your remarks and how you respond to other people’s questions. You’ll find improvement everywhere, your communication will become more precise, and your goals will be closer.